I’m feeling really stressed and upset by some things that have happen in the last few days. A very close friend’s daughter, who has been like my own for years, was abused by her live in boyfriend and father of her child on Sunday. The details were relayed to me and with every word; my heart broke a little more and stopped my world cold. The thought of her being punched, knocked down and kicked literally made me nauseous and is all I can think about. This was all being done while holding their small child. I’ve reached out to help in anyway I could, offering my “exemplary” child care experience and an open calendar to help take away that concern. An order of “No Contact” was placed on the abuser, as it well should be.
This morning, like yesterday, I was to watch her infant while she went to school. A duty I was more than happy to volunteer for. Last night, I received a text from her saying that she wouldn’t need my services and that she would be dropping the baby off at the place where her “boyfriend” is staying. My gut tells me that this is the crack in the door and he’ll be back in no time.
I don’t understand the mindset to stay with someone that has that kind of volatility. He has his “reasons” for being deeply angry but I can’t find anything that can justify something like this. He’s confessed to “just chatting” with other girls on an internet site but numbers and text and call records that were found on his phone records that’s under her account name indicate there might be more. I’m trying to remain supportive of whatever decision she comes up with but I have a hard time visualizing a happy life for them. I’m also trying to choose my words very carefully when discussing the situation with her knowing that there is a strong probability that he will be worming his way back in. I have told her that no matter what they both need to speak to a councilor or a professional of some type. They are both in college: so young with their lives opportunities in front of them.
My question is: Is it possible for someone to really change or once an abuser, always an abuser?